I am not down with “No Whining Wednesday.” Hump Day? Great. Thirsty Thursdays? Fantastic. Friday Night Dance Party? Wonderful. However, “No Whining Wednesday” is a direct threat to mid-week productivity the world over.

I have addressed squeaky wheels and their undeniable success at receiving oil in this blog before. The whiner is the twin sister of the squeaky wheel, arguably the less attractive of the pair, but equally accomplished at achieving goals.

To be certain, whining is simply the unpleasant vocal manifestation of some sort of dissatisfying situation. The whiner, as opposed to the entirely unproductive martyr, proactively seeks to improve their circumstances by alerting others to the offending condition.

As my infinitely wise father always says, “You deserve what you tolerate.” Are not whiners merely exercising their rights to life, liberty and pursuing happiness? (And mostly the latter?)

I am sure that the majority of objections to whining are over the generally accepted pitch and timbre of these audible protests. It’s not the words in the whine that offend, but the fact that a snoring weimaraner two blocks away may be roused from slumber by the shrill wail.

However, without the classic ear-splitting frequency, the whine loses the majority of its potency. In a perfect world, vendors, clients, and indeed, ad agencies would respond swiftly and definitively to every single whispered suggestion, and gently proposed injunction. This, of course, is not a perfect world, and the desire to bring cessation to or cause prevention of whining is a far more effective motivator than any ambition to please.

In short, whining gets the job done.

Why do we so emphatically instruct our children not to whine? Because it is such a powerful weapon. It is impossible to remain physically and emotionally unaffected by whining, and we will do anything to get it to stop. Why do our children keep whining? Because it has worked for them in the past.

In fact, whining has worked for many historical initiatives. Martin Luther whined about the Catholic church. Colonists whined about British rule. Women have been whining about one thing or another for centuries, and look at the progress we’ve made! (Don’t think the women are going to stop whining any time soon, either. One million years of oppression will certainly make a gender evaluate how much they’re willing to tolerate.)

Whining, entreating, insisting. These particular strategies, obnoxious and discordant though they may be, inspire — nay, demand productivity, and the whining will continue until profitability improves.

So if I call you today, and you happen to be one of the few folks besides The Envision Group working on the “No Whining Wednesday” before Thanksgiving, and I pettishly demand delivery of a project, or a quote, or some unreasonable revision, take solace in the knowledge that I am keeping the American economy moving forward.

…and then get me what I want.

—Lisa