Leftovers do not live long at my house. If they are not quickly given new life in a casserole or stir fry, they are summarily devoured by @LegitTalon before, during, and after meals.

However, over the holiday season, the abundance of grandmother-produced goodies (TEN BOXES OF TREATS! TEN!) negated the need for standard snacking fare. This disruption in the natural order of eating at my house, combined with my habit of cooking for twenty when I am only serving four, resulted in a refrigerator overflowing with plastic containers, cans, jars, and many diverse and foil-covered receptacles.

My husband and I made a heroic attempt to consume what we could last week, but the line must be drawn somewhere, right? Since my mother will tell you that it is a sin to throw away food, as my penance, I will now confess, in excruciating detail, the holiday casualties that were committed to the garbage this weekend. (No, I do not have a compost bin, yet. This summer, I swear.)

One stone-hard hot dog bun, no mold or aroma, two months old

Two cups of ham salad, made from leftovers of in-law’s Christmas dinner, excessively sulfurous smell, 20 days old

One cup of garden salad, rusty, pungent, two weeks old

100 kernels of sweet corn, graying, no smell, 16 days old

Five asparagus spears, starting to dissolve, overwhelming fumes, 11 days old

12 cubes of cucumber, smelled like gin, 12 days old

1/3 can of green beans, uncovered, completely dry, 3 weeks old

1/3 can of mushroom soup, odorless, furry, 16 days old

1/3 can of tomato sauce, odorless, furry, one month old

One tablespoon of cocktail sauce, fine condition (but what would I do with that?)

Five cocktail shrimp, emitting essence of Neptune’s thunderbox, 16 days old

Seven Honey BBQ Boneless Anytizers, one month old (no one in our house likes that flavor)

Three medallions of crab-stuffed, pancetta-wrapped pork tenderloin, appearance and smell ok, but after 16 days, no thanks

Two cups of pork gravy, not unlike a caramel flan in texture, 16 days old

1/2 bowl of Campbells Potato Bacon soup, completely separated, one month old

1/2 a pumkin pie, not malodorous, just weepy, 16 days old

One mixing bowl of frozen whipped cream, sparkly, beautiful, but tasted like the freezer, 16 days old

1/4 glass baking dish of green been casserole, runny, visually reminiscent of the swamps of Mordor, 16 days old

Four stale waffles, two months old

One frozen bowl of gummy first attempt at real mashed potatoes, graying, no smell, 16 days old.

—Lisa