Because I think that the children are our future, and also good guinea pigs, I devised a sophisticated plan to gauge the effectiveness of ads in some popular women’s magazines. I sat my daughter and her two cousins down at the kitchen table, gave them each an InStyle magazine, and instructed them to pick their favorite ad.

Subject #1
Name: Lucy
Age: 8
Grade: 3rd
Favorite Ad: Godiva Chocolate

What is your ad selling?
Go-deeva Chocolate. They are selling chocolate.

What is the call to action?
I don’t know what that is.

What does the ad want you to do?
I don’t know. There aren’t any words.

What is their offer?
Chocolate?

How will you get the chocolate?
Go to Go-deeva.com.

Will you visit Godiva.com?
Maybe I will go there. I don’t know. Probably not.

Will you buy their chocolate?
If I have money some day, I would get it online.

When would that be?
When I’m a grown-up.

Why is this your favorite ad?
Because I like chocolate.

Conclusion: Without any direct call to action, or obvious way to procure the product, Lucy is uninterested in actively seeking it out for deliberate purchase until adulthood. However, the time that we spent discussing the ad may inspire some recall in her the next time she is at the mall and walks past the Godiva shop. So was the ad successful, or does Godiva Chocolate owe me for that new share of Lucy’s mind I just earned them?

Subject #2
Name: Anna
Age: 7
Grade: 1st
Favorite Ad: House of Dereon

What is your ad selling?
I don’t know what this ad is for.

What is the call to action?
House of De-…I can’t read that. I am only a little kid.

What does the ad want you to do?
Go to Neiman Marcus and Bloomingdales.com. Oh! This ad is for clothes.

What is their offer?
They are offering clothes

Do you know who that is?
Lady Gaga?

It’s Beyonce.
Who’s Beyonce?

She sings “Single Ladies.”
Oh, she’s a Chipette.

Will you buy these clothes?
When I grow up. Those clothes are too big for me. And I don’t have any money.

How much do you think this dress costs?
$99.

Why is this your favorite ad?
I like the color green.

Conclusion: Although Anna precociously demonstrates brand recognition for both Neiman Marcus and Bloomingdales, she is so unfamiliar with Beyonce and her empire of offerings that any equity is completely lost on the seven-year-old. Does this demonstrate that House of Dereon needs to step up their marketing efforts to first grade girls in Colorado? Probably not, but Anna’s gravitation towards the color of the dress reiterates once again that women respond to green in advertising.

Subject #3
Name: Blake
Age: 8
Grade: 3rd
Favorite Ad: peoplepets.com

What is your ad selling?
People Pets.

What is that?
Peoplepets.com

But what IS it?
Where you go to peoplepets.com.

But what is peoplepets.com?
An ad?

And what are they advertising?
They are advertising pets.

You think that this is an ad for pets?
OH! It’s a WEBSITE about pets!

What is the call to action?
Visit peoplepets.com today!

What is their offer?
You can see pets.

Will you go to this website?
Maybe next year. I will remember and go.

Why is this your favorite ad?
Cute doggie.

Conclusion: This ad must be considered the most successful of the three. Blake will only wait a year to visit peoplepets.com, as opposed to waiting ten, as her counterparts have planned. The clear call to action, unvarnished list of offerings, and (the master stroke) the adorable pug create a classic marketing trifecta, against which the audience is defenseless.

Results: Blake wins.

—Lisa